Notes "Mutual Consultation"
Summary
“Those who hearken to their Lord, and establish regular Prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for sustenance” (Quran 42:38)
Benefits of Consultation
- A key to success in marriage is the ability to consult and positively influence one another. Mutual Consultation can have many long lasting benefits
- Research shows that men who consult their wive’s have more stable marriages than those who don’t
- A successful couple will allow themselves to be influenced by one another because if that person has something good to offer, why should you resist letting that person influence you?
- Consulting engenders confidence in each other and feeling of being a significant person in each other’s life. This can do many positive things for the quality of a relationship
- Mutual consultation is an opportunity to listen to each other and not just to speak to each other
- The more the spouses feel that they are a couple who are working together as a team, then the more invested they feel in their marriage
Being Open to Consultation
- Our best advisor is our spouse because they are the closest person to us and we need to value that person
- The man needs to be open with his wife and to realize it is not a weakness to be open. It is the way of the Prophet (pbuh) who is the most strongest of individuals
- In a successful marriage, you can see both parties influencing each other and that is a sign that both people are respectful and that they are confident in who they are
- Mutual consultation can be an informal discussion between spouses or a formal family meeting where children take part
- It can give everyone an opportunity to express themselves freely in a respectful and loving atmosphere. It encourages us to remember the value to considering different perspectives before making a decision
Important Aspects to Consultation
- Start off with a goal and provide clarity on what you wish to accomplish. The next step is to say “I would like your input” so that you’re inviting their inputs and letting them know that your open to their influence
- Have a way to sit and discuss important issues. There needs to be an open dialogue
- People can disagree but they need to be respectful of one another
- If two people reach a solution together, then they both are more likely to follow through with the idea
- Consultation is not to confirm what you want
- Choose the course of action that is likely to be of most benefit for you and your family in this life and in the next
- Advice can come from anybody in the family. It can come from people of any age as well
- Not only have the conversation but also have a process that makes each other feel welcome to continuing to communicate
- Dr. Abdullah Hakim Quick states that is crucial for a women's opinion to be heard and no one will bring out their opinion except for them. Their opinions need to incorporated in decisions and this will bring out more success in families
Resources
Web Articles
Shura in the Family
http://www.soundvision.com/info/marriage/shura.asp
The Role of Listening in Shura